of National Banned Book Week. Major props to my fourth grade teacher, Mrs. Baldacchino, who read to us two of the top 100 challenged books of 1990-2000 ("Bridge to Terebithia" and "James and the Giant Peach.") And what is up with no. 88?
Sorry, I forgot about National Punctuation Day.
26 September 2006
24 September 2006
Why My Shower is Like Panera Bread
Pick two from the menu:
'cuz three minutes of hot water isn't enough time to perform all ablutions.
All menu selections come with a side of "shave pits."
- Wash hair
- Condition hair
- Wash body
- Shave legs
'cuz three minutes of hot water isn't enough time to perform all ablutions.
All menu selections come with a side of "shave pits."
21 September 2006
It's Just a $1500 Lunch
Okay, I shoulda known better. I should have done my homework. Even as I typed my information into the form at the It’s Just Lunch Web site, fear of the hard sell prickled at the back of my neck.
For those who may not know, It’s Just Lunch markets itself as a matchmaking and dating service for “busy professionals.” The first thing I noticed about the Ann Arbor IJL site was that the photo of the Kerrytown farmers’ market was flipped so the words on the silo were mirror-imaged. The second thing I noticed was a lack of a fee structure. But I figured I’d have the opportunity to ask soon.
Really soon. An e-mail arrived immediately and my answering machine picked up a message soon after that. I got another e-mail and another phone call the next day. Today, day three, brought another phone message. Since I had some time off in the afternoon, I called IJL.
She asked me where I heard about them. She told me a bit about their interview and matching process. Somewhere in there she intoned solemnly, “Women aren’t used to spending money for dates. But we do spend a lot of time on the wrong guys. Guys on the other hand feel like they spend a lot of money on dates, but don’t necessarily get what they want out of it.”
What kind of weird, Chick-Lit platitudinous shit is this?
She stated she was thrilled to have the opportunity to tell me about her clients: very busy doctors, “professionals,” and “educators” who don’t want to date someone from work, aren’t into the bar scene, and just don’t have time to meet someone for dating.
She was evidently looking at my info. “Ooh, you’re young,” she cooed.
My lip curled. “What’s that mean?” I asked. “Are all your clients over 50?”
“I just mean you’re younger than me,” she said.
Ah.
She continued by asking me about what I’m looking for. Straight off, I told her income is not one of my criteria. Absolutely no smokers. Integrity, curiosity, sense of humor are desirable.
“Height, weight?” she prompted.
I paused. “Doesn’t really matter,” I started to form a picture of what her clients might be like.
“Anything like race or religion?” A phone rang in the background.
“Race isn’t an issue. I’m tolerant, but not particularly religious, so if that’s important for somebody, I’m not going to be a good match for him.”
Then she prattled about how 80% of her clients have degrees, how many first dates “become” second dates, and how horrible it is to be single. “When you’re single, Saturday comes along, and there you are wondering what to do, home alone with your cat or dog.” My left eyebrow shot up as she continued, a little more hushed, like it was shameful, “I know, I used to be single. ‘Don’t you ever leave me,’ my husband says. Ha ha ha.”
Uh, yeah.
One semester I had a four-hour class on Saturday.
Saturday is for doing homework and designing ads and going to the farmers' market and scrubbing the bathtub and getting work done on my second job. Most weekends, the cat would be really happy if I had an hour to play with her.
I didn’t exactly cry alone while downing a quart of ice cream this past Saturday either - I watched Michigan’s football team wipe Notre Dame’s field with Brady Quinn’s helmet. Law School P. was on my couch. We ate a pot of vegetarian chili and drank the Sierra Nevada Pale Ale he brought over. While Law School P. is, admittedly, not my boyfriend, he is a friend I’ve known for over a year, and someone I met through a free ad on frickin’ Craigslist, of all places.
“Is anything like race or religion important to you?” IJL lady asked, repeating an earlier question. Was she not listening?
My Turtle totem took over and the plastron started to close. “No.”
She rushed through the subscription rates: $1500 for a year - this supposedly gets you 14 dates. A six-month subscription is $1100. I can buy 137 bottles of Fin du Monde for that.
I told her I worked at a non-profit and couldn’t afford it. I got the response I pretty much expected - it’s so much better than combing through Internet dating sites! And isn’t love worth any price?
She repeated the statement about women not being used to paying for dates. I sputtered something about paying for clothes and make-up and oh, like, half the check as often as not. Although Aussie Paul did have to buy his own plane tickets.
“Kim, you need come in here and let me give you some tips. Get those guys to pay up!”
Turtle's shell snapped shut.
I regret having told her as much as I did. Plus, it was a waste of 15 cell phone minutes. But if I ever decide I want to be pressured into a date with a rich sucker who has no time to spare for a relationship, I’ll know where to call.
For those who may not know, It’s Just Lunch markets itself as a matchmaking and dating service for “busy professionals.” The first thing I noticed about the Ann Arbor IJL site was that the photo of the Kerrytown farmers’ market was flipped so the words on the silo were mirror-imaged. The second thing I noticed was a lack of a fee structure. But I figured I’d have the opportunity to ask soon.
Really soon. An e-mail arrived immediately and my answering machine picked up a message soon after that. I got another e-mail and another phone call the next day. Today, day three, brought another phone message. Since I had some time off in the afternoon, I called IJL.
She asked me where I heard about them. She told me a bit about their interview and matching process. Somewhere in there she intoned solemnly, “Women aren’t used to spending money for dates. But we do spend a lot of time on the wrong guys. Guys on the other hand feel like they spend a lot of money on dates, but don’t necessarily get what they want out of it.”
What kind of weird, Chick-Lit platitudinous shit is this?
She stated she was thrilled to have the opportunity to tell me about her clients: very busy doctors, “professionals,” and “educators” who don’t want to date someone from work, aren’t into the bar scene, and just don’t have time to meet someone for dating.
She was evidently looking at my info. “Ooh, you’re young,” she cooed.
My lip curled. “What’s that mean?” I asked. “Are all your clients over 50?”
“I just mean you’re younger than me,” she said.
Ah.
She continued by asking me about what I’m looking for. Straight off, I told her income is not one of my criteria. Absolutely no smokers. Integrity, curiosity, sense of humor are desirable.
“Height, weight?” she prompted.
I paused. “Doesn’t really matter,” I started to form a picture of what her clients might be like.
“Anything like race or religion?” A phone rang in the background.
“Race isn’t an issue. I’m tolerant, but not particularly religious, so if that’s important for somebody, I’m not going to be a good match for him.”
Then she prattled about how 80% of her clients have degrees, how many first dates “become” second dates, and how horrible it is to be single. “When you’re single, Saturday comes along, and there you are wondering what to do, home alone with your cat or dog.” My left eyebrow shot up as she continued, a little more hushed, like it was shameful, “I know, I used to be single. ‘Don’t you ever leave me,’ my husband says. Ha ha ha.”
Uh, yeah.
One semester I had a four-hour class on Saturday.
Saturday is for doing homework and designing ads and going to the farmers' market and scrubbing the bathtub and getting work done on my second job. Most weekends, the cat would be really happy if I had an hour to play with her.
I didn’t exactly cry alone while downing a quart of ice cream this past Saturday either - I watched Michigan’s football team wipe Notre Dame’s field with Brady Quinn’s helmet. Law School P. was on my couch. We ate a pot of vegetarian chili and drank the Sierra Nevada Pale Ale he brought over. While Law School P. is, admittedly, not my boyfriend, he is a friend I’ve known for over a year, and someone I met through a free ad on frickin’ Craigslist, of all places.
“Is anything like race or religion important to you?” IJL lady asked, repeating an earlier question. Was she not listening?
My Turtle totem took over and the plastron started to close. “No.”
She rushed through the subscription rates: $1500 for a year - this supposedly gets you 14 dates. A six-month subscription is $1100. I can buy 137 bottles of Fin du Monde for that.
I told her I worked at a non-profit and couldn’t afford it. I got the response I pretty much expected - it’s so much better than combing through Internet dating sites! And isn’t love worth any price?
She repeated the statement about women not being used to paying for dates. I sputtered something about paying for clothes and make-up and oh, like, half the check as often as not. Although Aussie Paul did have to buy his own plane tickets.
“Kim, you need come in here and let me give you some tips. Get those guys to pay up!”
Turtle's shell snapped shut.
I regret having told her as much as I did. Plus, it was a waste of 15 cell phone minutes. But if I ever decide I want to be pressured into a date with a rich sucker who has no time to spare for a relationship, I’ll know where to call.
20 September 2006
Liner Notes
- Took new boots for a spin around the neighborhood this evening. I am almost as happy with them as I was with my previous pair of Eccos, which I wore until the leather cracked and the inner soles showed through the treads. The new ones feel heavier, and like there's more padding around my instep and ankles. They feel a bit like ice skates - from what I know of ice skates when C. and I went to Yost Arena precisely once - I'm not likely to twist an ankle in these babies.
- In 1995 I purchased a cassette in Russia. The artist - Leonid Agutin - became one of the hottest Russian stars of the late 90's with his album "Бocoнoгий Maльчиk." Everyone knew Agutin's songs - my room mate and her friends. Young relatives of the Russian women from my workplace in Columbus. My date from Vladivostock. Now, the lyrics are just about the only Russian I can easily verbalize. I've been terrified that the cassette might be eaten by my aging equipment and the bouncy, Latin-tinged pop tunes be lost to me forever, leaving Leonid to gaze voicelessly from his red liner notes as a cultural artifact of the era's particular brand of eastern European beefcake. (What is that bizarre, chest-hair revealing denim thing he's wearing?) I fear no longer! One of my periodic searches for Leonid turned up "Бocoнoгий Maльчиk" available through an Amazon partner retailer, and he arrived in CD format in my mailbox this afternoon.
- Woodchuck Amber hard cider pairs quite nicely with shrimp quesadillas.
- One thing (good or bad?) about drinking lots of 8 and 9% ABV Belgians is that soon you can down two or three Woodchuck Ambers without even noticing.
15 September 2006
Friday Photos
Mantid. Turned its head when I took its picture.
Fin du Monde. Ahhh. The creamy head, the incredible aroma, the spicy banana-clove fruity complexity. The beer you want with you at the end of the world. (No, they don't pay me.)
Fin du Monde. Ahhh. The creamy head, the incredible aroma, the spicy banana-clove fruity complexity. The beer you want with you at the end of the world. (No, they don't pay me.)
10 September 2006
What Have I Done?
Been feeling down lately, so finding this little post was a pick-me up. Look at everything I've done - and have yet to do.
Stolen from Chris Clarke at Creek Running North, who doesn't know me.
Just bold the things you have accomplished (sic - Ed.) in your life.
1. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
2. Swum with wild dolphins
3. Climbed a mountain
4. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
5. Been inside the Great Pyramid
6. Held a tarantula
7. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
8. Said “I love you” and meant it
9. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was wasted
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Posed nude in front of strangers
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River - or was it the Colorado River?
82. Been on television news programs as an expert
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Eaten fugu (pufferfish)
89. Had a one-night stand
90. Gone to Thailand
91. Bought a house
92. Been in a combat zone
93. Buried one/both of your parents
94. Been on a cruise ship
95. Spoken more than one language fluently
96. Performed in Rocky Horror Picture Show
97. Raised children
98. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Petted a stingray
110. Broken someone’s heart (Don't know. No one ever said so.)
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Petted a cockroach (Petted? More like flattened.)
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad and The Odyssey (Only abridged versions.)
135. Selected one important author who you missed in school, and read something they wrote
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone’s life
Stolen from Chris Clarke at Creek Running North, who doesn't know me.
Just bold the things you have accomplished (sic - Ed.) in your life.
1. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
2. Swum with wild dolphins
3. Climbed a mountain
4. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
5. Been inside the Great Pyramid
6. Held a tarantula
7. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
8. Said “I love you” and meant it
9. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was wasted
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Posed nude in front of strangers
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River - or was it the Colorado River?
82. Been on television news programs as an expert
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Eaten fugu (pufferfish)
89. Had a one-night stand
90. Gone to Thailand
91. Bought a house
92. Been in a combat zone
93. Buried one/both of your parents
94. Been on a cruise ship
95. Spoken more than one language fluently
96. Performed in Rocky Horror Picture Show
97. Raised children
98. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Petted a stingray
110. Broken someone’s heart (Don't know. No one ever said so.)
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Petted a cockroach (Petted? More like flattened.)
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad and The Odyssey (Only abridged versions.)
135. Selected one important author who you missed in school, and read something they wrote
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone’s life
08 September 2006
Friday Google Blogging
Twisty at I Blame the Patriarchy posted today on the variation in search returns for "women" and "men" on Google. Commenters in the thread reported what search results they obtained, and mine are quite different from Twisty's (safe filter off):
1) Information for Women: iVillage.com (ack.)
2) Women Mathematicians
3) Women's Biographies: Distinguished Women of Past and Present
4) Internet Women's History Sourcebook
5) WomenWatch: UN Information and Resources on Gender Equality
The "sponsored links" are for mostly "Local sex" and "Photo personals," but one in the sidebar is "Sports psychology."
My results for "men" were typical of the commenters':
1) Men's Health
2) AskMen.com (ack. thpt.)
3) Men.com Magazine
4) Men's Fitness
5) Men's Wearhouse
But the it's the sponsored links - the ads - for "men" that I find most interesting. There's "Look Sexy Naked" for a diet tea. There's "Free online dating," and "Half.com" (in case you want to buy one at a discount, I guess). There's "Cold and hot wax hair removal." And then: "See-through underwear."
Yep. See-through underwear. Mesh shorts with contasting pocket colors. Sheer jock straps. And my favorite: fishnet bikinis. Though when I clicked to enlarge, he put his hand over it.
1) Information for Women: iVillage.com (ack.)
2) Women Mathematicians
3) Women's Biographies: Distinguished Women of Past and Present
4) Internet Women's History Sourcebook
5) WomenWatch: UN Information and Resources on Gender Equality
The "sponsored links" are for mostly "Local sex" and "Photo personals," but one in the sidebar is "Sports psychology."
My results for "men" were typical of the commenters':
1) Men's Health
2) AskMen.com (ack. thpt.)
3) Men.com Magazine
4) Men's Fitness
5) Men's Wearhouse
But the it's the sponsored links - the ads - for "men" that I find most interesting. There's "Look Sexy Naked" for a diet tea. There's "Free online dating," and "Half.com" (in case you want to buy one at a discount, I guess). There's "Cold and hot wax hair removal." And then: "See-through underwear."
Yep. See-through underwear. Mesh shorts with contasting pocket colors. Sheer jock straps. And my favorite: fishnet bikinis. Though when I clicked to enlarge, he put his hand over it.
04 September 2006
Notes from the First Week of Class
- I turned the textbook for Philosophy 250: Logic over and over in my hands, looking in every logical place for a price and couldn't find one. While in line, I picked up a yellow highlighter. Total bill: $110. That's right, I bought a $108 highlighter.
- The textbook is a "Concise Introduction to Logic," coming in succinctly at just over 600 pages.
- I hope day-glo hair isn't a requirement to pass my art course. And stop glaring at us for looking at you. You dyed your hair fluorescent orange. Is it hunter safety month?
- Yes, I remember you. Feel free to critique my schedule and tell me I should have taken this prof over that one and registered for Flash instead of Logic. You know so much about my goals and interests from sitting next to me for five minutes already.
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