You Are Not a Winner

One Sunday, a classified ad caught my eye. A community edition of the Ann Arbor News needed a page designer/copy editor. That’s what I do.

Like many employers nowadays, they wanted a lot (degree, two years of experience, proficiency in three different software applications, a high level of language ability, proven proofreading skills, perfect attendance, chipper attitude, great standardized test scores, type O blood) for not much in return (part-time, no benefits, “flexible schedule” - read “on call on our terms,” but hey - we might let you work four days a week!). Still, I reviewed my resume, composed a decent cover letter, and prepared to send it off. The ad listed an e-mail address. I weighed the pros and cons of attachments vs. plain text and opted for the cover letter as text and the resume as an attachment. I figured it would show them I know how to make a pdf.

I clicked “send” and the e-mail went off with the little swooshing noise the program makes. Within a few minutes, the e-mail program whistled that I had new mail. My cover letter and resume were returned to me as undeliverable.

In college I had a pencil that had “I are a English major” printed on the side. I held the newspaper clipping up to the screen and went over the address letter by letter. I had entered it correctly. I Googled the community newspaper and clicked on “contact us.” They had spelled the address wrong in the ad.

I suppose they really do need someone with proofing skills. Tempted though I was to point it out in my cover letter, I did not. I resent the e-mail to the correct address.

Yesterday I got my rejection notice. Naturally, it’s not my first, so I know how these things usually go. “We will keep your resume on file, blah blah blah.” Not this one. This is just about the bluntest letter I’ve ever received. It is three sentences long:

Sentence one is basically a thank you.
Sentence two: “As we narrow the field of applications, you will not be among our finalists.”
Sentence three pretty much says, “Good luck, loser.”

I’m not a finalist? :’-(

Well, that’s okay. I don’t want to work for you anyway. ‘Cuz not only do you not know your own e-mail address, but you also got my street address wrong on both the envelope and the letter.

Thank you for deigning to reply to my mail. Unfortunately, your performance does not meet my requirements at this time. Best of luck in your continued search.